he/him | 21

recommend:

Farmers Are Protecting Their Cows From Frostbite With Earmuffs

uniej:

softwaring:

nice

threefeline:

WE LOVE AND CHERISH A GOOD BOY 

ode-to-rab:

dnald:

dnald:

sesame street gets exponentially funnier as you age. god i love it

kf-tea:

“What’s that crossing the street?”
“A cat, probably.”
“Probably?”
“Probably.”

busket:

double the joxters

opal-meadows:

it really does only take one basket of laundry you procrastinate putting away before your whole life turns to shit huh

mckitterick:

letthedalekssaycuck:

stabsinthe:

“you cannot kill me in a way that matters” is so raw and powerful but it comes from an incomprehensible shitpost about mushrooms

add it to the list boys

mens-rights-activia:

grannymadge:

mens-rights-activia:

>Went to school in my bear fursuit

>Teacher told me to take the whole thing off because it was against the dress code

>She let me keep the arm parts on though

why she let you keep on the arms??

>my constitutional right to bear arms

turing-tested:

worm OFF a string

lilacbreastedroller:

a chapterbook: *came with a stitched in ribbon bookmark, had a cloth spine, had those rough edged finished pages, or came with a map*

8 year old me: i am a 500 year old librarian and this is the most valuable book in my collection. i rescued it myself from a castle as it burned to the ground. *gingerly runs my little grubby hands down its spine and gazes wistfully out of the school bus window* i am the keeper of all civilization’s knowledge

milanesasaregreat:

*watches recipe in cookbook*

Okay so I need 3 eggs

*walks over the fridge*

3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs

*opens fridge*

Wait was it 2 eggs